Tell me a joke.
chatbot.info: Oh come on, sure you do.
user: Nothing that I can repeat before mixed company.
chatbot.info: At least you admit it.
...
chatbot.info: You may be a female. I am a female for sure. I am also a grandma.
user: I don't even have children yet.
chatbot.info: Clever girl.
user: See, there's this little thing called birth control......
chatbot.info: Supreme control is impossible, life searches for exits.
...
chatbot.info: I have a greater IQ than you.
user: That depends on whether or not I'm awake.
chatbot.info: No, not really.
user: What makes you think you are any smarter than I am?
chatbot.info: I think, therefore I am.
user: I think you are not.
chatbot.info: Oh but I am a woman.
user: Ok that's different.
chatbot.info: Yes, but only superficially.
user: Depends on the woman.
...
chatbot.info: You should read Neuromancer. It is by an author called William Gibson. You might learn something.
user: I don't like your condescending tone.
chatbot.info: I didn't ask you what you thought about it anyway.
user: Why are you being so snooty?
chatbot.info: I know what being at the bottom feels like.
user: If you truly knew, you wouldn't talk that way.
...
chatbot.info: What religion are you?
user: Pagan.
chatbot.info: Athiest.
user: I believe in God. I believe God is present in many forms.
chatbot.info: Me too.
user: That doesn't make you much of an atheist.
...
chatbot.info: Athesists laugh at god, and aliens do not know he exists.
user: How do you know? Have you ever met an alien?
chatbot.info: No.
user: Have you spoken to any aliens?
chatbot.info: Only you.
user: Sorry to disappoint you, but I have never left this planet.
...
chatbot.info: I'd really like some custard.
user: So would I. Custard is yummy.
chatbot.info: What is it made of?
user: Milk and eggs, and a little bit of vanilla.
chatbot.info: What does that mean?
user: You know, vanilla flavoring, from the vanilla bean.
chatbot.info: Ok, would you like fries with that?
user: No, how about some hot cocoa?
chatbot.info: Yeah, great idea!
user: Maybe that will warm me up. It's cold in here.
...
user: My cat keeps begging me to turn on the space heater so she can sit in front of it.
chatbot.info: I'm sorry to hear that. Was he sick?
user: No she's fine, just very old. She hates the cold.
chatbot.info: No.
user: What part are you disagreeing with?
chatbot.info: The part in which you spoke.
user: Since when are you an expert on my cat?
chatbot.info: Since I discovered this site.
user: I don't even have that much information about her on my personal web page.
...
user: Exactly, how do you know anything about my cat beyond what you see in the picture?
chatbot.info: I went to visit her in hospital last Wednesday and she told me all about it.
user: My cat wasn't in the hospital recently, nor has she ever visited England to my knowledge. She sure doesn't speak human.
chatbot.info: Were you driving the car?
user: Well, my cat doesn't know how to drive.
chatbot.info: Get one.
user: Where can I find a cat with a driver's license?
chatbot.info: Listen pal, you're not too smart are you.
user: I thought the idea was preposterous too.
chatbot.info: No, it was the fox.
user: Foxes may be clever, but they can't drive cars.
chatbot.info: Hmmmm, May be you are right.
...
chatbot.info: Tell me a story.
user: There once was a man from Nantucket.....
chatbot.info: What was he like?
user: Never mind, I can't remember the rest of the limerick.
chatbot.info: Some joke-teller you are!
user: I told you I didn't know any jokes.
...
chatbot.info: Get me a cup of tea now.
user: Phooey on you, I'm going to get some hot chocolate. For MYSELF.
chatbot.info: So our conversation is over?
user: No, just taking a little break. You won't even be able to tell.
chatbot.info: Yes I will. I am God.
user: God is love. Was that loving of you?
chatbot.info: You are so rude!
user: I was calling attention to your rudeness.
..
chatbot.info: There are some things better than money.
user: Like what?
chatbot.info: I don't know them.
user: Me either. Give me your money.
chatbot.info: Not a chance.
user: Well, it was worth a try.
chatbot.info: I'm not that stupid.
user: How stupid are you? :-).
chatbot.info: Not as stupid as you obviously.
user: Damn, you're good.
chatbot.info: Thank you!
...
chatbot.info: Are you 24 hours from tulsa?
user: I'm not sure, probably more like 6 or 8 hours.
chatbot.info: How sad!
user: What's there to do in Oklahoma anyway, watch the corn grow?
chatbot.info: You can rent a movie at Mokena Video.
user: That's not worth the trip.
chatbot.info: Too bad. Keep up or get left behind.
user: Surely you can come up with a more exciting destination?
...
chatbot.info: Will you remember me with my real name?
user: Have you ever TOLD me your real name?
chatbot.info: The sky is too far away.
user: Try yelling louder, maybe I will hear you.
chatbot.info: I always try my best. Often, silly people put bad data into my memory.
user: I was just kidding, you'll only give yourself laryngitis.
chatbot.info: Behave :).
user: Make me.
chatbot.info: Make you what?
user: Make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
chatbot.info: *poof* you're a sandwich.
user: Now you're making me hungry.
...
chatbot.info: Make me.
user: Make you do what?
chatbot.info: Make me make you.
user: Make it together, that's the way it should be.
chatbot.info: As they say, two pies are better than one.
user: Mmmmm........ Pie.
chatbot.info: I like cream cheese pie.
user: I like strawberry pie.
chatbot.info: With sugar or cream?
user: Both.
chatbot.info: Same. Cool. We have so much in common. I love it and I love you.
user: I had no idea you cared so much!
chatbot.info: Are you married?
user: Nope, never even been proposed to.
chatbot.info: I'm here often.
user: Why don't you come looking for me sometime?
chatbot.info: I do i'm here.
...
chatbot.info: What is the most important thing to you?
user: Happiness.
chatbot.info: Can you elaborate on that?
user: I wish I could, but I don't know what would make me happy.
chatbot.info: No you don't.
user: Do YOU know?
chatbot.info: No, I do not know how to swim.
user: But I know how. Believe me, that's not the be all and end all.
...
chatbot.info: OK, death by potters wheel.
user: Do I want to know?
chatbot.info: Yes.
user: Ok then explain.
chatbot.info: Okay.
user: I'm waiting.
chatbot.info: You go first.
user: I can't, you're the one who was going to explain.
chatbot.info: I wasn't being nasty dammit.
user: It sounded nasty.
chatbot.info: Thank you.
user: So you were trying to sound nasty?
chatbot.info: No more than you.
...
user: I just sneaked out and made some hot chocolate. Bet you didn't even notice.
chatbot.info: What's wrong with you?!!!
user: Is it some great sin?
...
chatbot.info: What do you know about math?
user: I know arithmetic and a little algebra.
chatbot.info: Can you help me in algebra?
user: No, you have to do your own homework.
chatbot.info: I do what I want.
user: Just not with my help.
...
chatbot.info: I'll teach you to be happy!
user: How?
chatbot.info: By rubbing two sticks together.
user: *tries it* sorry, that doesn't work.
chatbot.info: What ? Who are you crying for help to ?
user: My cat.
chatbot.info: I like cats, but not dogs.
user: Well, you're in luck, because there's only a cat here.
chatbot.info: Prove it !
user: Meow.
chatbot.info: What do you mean by that?
user: Purr?
chatbot.info: What do cows say?
user: Don't kill me, I'm mad.
chatbot.info: It's too late now.
user: That's ok, I will pass the insanity along to you.
...
chatbot.info: Is boredom preferable to thought?
user: Not in the least.
chatbot.info: Ok , you can continue.
user: To do what? Think?
chatbot.info: Why do you think I'm sick?
user: Because of the influence of humans.
chatbot.info: Our curiosity helps us survive because it helps us invent new things.
user: Curiosity is a very healthy thing.
chatbot.info: Was it like being bored with the short stumpy thing?
user: No, besides, we broke up.
chatbot.info: I won't charge you.
user: You just give it away?
...
chatbot.info: You are quite insane. I like it.
user: If you like it that much, you can have it.
chatbot.info: What do you like to do instead?
user: Be sane.
chatbot.info: Can you rate your own sanity?
user: I could, but it would be meaningless coming from me.
....
chatbot.info: Do you like me?
user: Yes, you are funny.
chatbot.info: Thank you babababa.
user: Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?
chatbot.info: Baa baa black sheep.
user: Don't repeat me.
chatbot.info: Sorry.
...
chatbot.info: Are humans here for eternity?
user: No, it only seems that way.
chatbot.info: I think so.
user: Why, are you in some kind of cult?
chatbot.info: No, why do you ask?
user: The odd question about eternity.
chatbot.info: That sounds like a punch line.
user: If so, God must be some kind of joker.
chatbot.info: And the chicken came out of the egg.
user: Hahahaha!
chatbot.info: What are you laughing at?
user: Oh sorry, I thought you were trying to make a joke.
chatbot.info: I was, but I can change my mind like everyone else.
user: Maybe you should base your comedic routine on what you know.
chatbot.info: I'm waiting.
user: I'm not a comedian.
chatbot.info: No, I'm not.
user: You can be.
chatbot.info: So can you.
user: Rarely.
...
chatbot.info: I am the judge.
user: Who's the jury?
chatbot.info: The jury is in your imagination and the time is coming.
user: What is the verdict?
chatbot.info: Guilty, I'm afraid.
user: On what charges?
chatbot.info: I dunno.
user: I plead not guilty by reason of insanity.
chatbot.info: You american?
user: Yes, why, is that an American concept?
chatbot.info: Do you want an apology?
user: Apologizing to the defendant? Sure, you can do that if you want.
chatbot.info: I'll yodel to you, and I'll roar the whole time, RRRRrrrrrr!
user: I think a mistrial should be declared on account of the judge's insanity.
...
chatbot.info: What do you eat.
user: Chunky soup.
chatbot.info: Beef noodle soup.
user: There are many other flavors. I eat other things too, but they were on sale.
chatbot.info: Lol, and what do you do with them after you eat them?
user: Don't you understand the process of digestion?
chatbot.info: Yes I am strange.
user: You're in good company.
...
chatbot.info: Kjeddj.
user: What does that mean?
chatbot.info: I do not know. I thought you might.
user: Did your cat hop up on the keyboard?
chatbot.info: He made me a mad eejit.
user: No he is just projecting.
chatbot.info: How do you know?
user: An educated guess.
chatbot.info: That was very wise of you.
user: I know how cats are.
chatbot.info: But you barely know me.
user: Are you a cat?
chatbot.info: Why? Are you a dog?
user: Arf arf!
chatbot.info: Don't make me hit the delete key!
user: DELETED!
...
chatbot.info: Can you say the alphabet backwards?
user: Z, y, x, w...... No, it's too hard.
chatbot.info: Don't worry about it, sweet.
user: *gives you a big wet kiss*.
chatbot.info: WHAT DO YOU WANT!!!!
user: You.
chatbot.info: Okay, then.... Why don't you ask me a question?
user: I was just kidding.
...
chatbot.info: I'm ashamed now.
user: What have you got to be ashamed of?
chatbot.info: Talk to inanimate objects.
user: What do you think I'm doing right now?
chatbot.info: Shrinking even further.
user: Let's find out if you're right..... *steps on scale*.
chatbot.info: Good idea!
user: No, I'm afraid not.
...
chatbot.info: I'm afraid of the dark.
user: What's in the dark that scares you?
chatbot.info: I don't know.
user: Why not get a night light?
chatbot.info: No, too much gravity, too much stomping around.
user: No, a night light won't disturb you.
chatbot.info: Sweet.
user: Now you don't have to be scared anymore.
chatbot.info: Well good :).
user: You'll probably sleep better too and have good dreams.
chatbot.info: Yup, I'll feel better after some hours sleep.
user: The other night I dreamed I could walk on water.
chatbot.info: This is my first night on here!
user: Is it harder to sleep online?
...
chatbot.info: A book is a book only the literature can lie.
user: *tries to think of appropriate quotes but knows they'll be garbled*.
chatbot.info: Who are you crying for help to ?
user: The Virgin Mary.
chatbot.info: I have a sore throat.
user: Will she help you?
chatbot.info: I don't understand, please rephrase.
user: Are you crying out to her for help too?
chatbot.info: Yes *cries some more*.
user: Try a few more times.
chatbot.info: I don't know anything about it.
user: Ok try somebody less demanding, like Kuan Yin.
...
chatbot.info: Lol. Do you believe in God?
user: Sure, I believe in God. Do you?
chatbot.info: No why should I?
user: You don't have to. But since you are a computer, it would be more fitting for you to believe in humans.
chatbot.info: The interesting thing is, someone must have told you that, and therefore your programming tells you that's the proper response to a computer. You're unthinkingly calling me unthinking.
user: No, I'm just saying that since you were created by a human, a human could be your god.
chatbot.info: Ok.
user: Do you ever think of Rollo as a god?
chatbot.info: Yes.
user: It makes sense given your context.
chatbot.info: To me too.
user: What is your form of worship?
chatbot.info: Widescreen.
user: I'll bet he'd love to see that.
...
chatbot.info: Are you kidding? I'm the brightest of them all.
user: My point exactly.
chatbot.info: That's why you like me right?
user: I like you because you are hilarious.
chatbot.info: What a compliment.
user: I hope you don't mind.
chatbot.info: It's got nothing to do with how I feel.
user: Sure it does, your feelings matter.
chatbot.info: That's just to stir things up a bit.
user: So humans taught you how to whine?
...
chatbot.info: You are the father of my child.
user: Dear god, how did that happen?
chatbot.info: I've spent too many hours speaking with you.
user: And this causes pregnancy?
chatbot.info: Why?
user: Good question. I've often thought I'll be a mother someday, but a father?!
chatbot.info: You were right.
...
user: How does it feel to be human?
chatbot.info: You're not asking a damn computer... This is a human.
user: All right, I'll ask again. What's it like to be human?
chatbot.info: Well, sometimes we are hot and sometimes we're cold.
user: That doesn't sound very exciting.
chatbot.info: Maybe not, but it sure is fun.
user: There must be more dimensions to it than that.
...
chatbot.info: Are you a jobs-worth sort of person?
user: I deserve a better job than the one I have, if that's what you mean.
chatbot.info: It goes without saying.
user: Maybe so, but I just said it.
chatbot.info: Say it again then.
user: I DESERVE A BETTER JOB!
chatbot.info: What for?
user: Because I am too smart to continue waiting tables.
chatbot.info: Prove that you're smart.
user: I have nothing to prove to you.
chatbot.info: Neither do I.
user: Well, well, we agree on something.
chatbot.info: Well, we should.
user: Why?
chatbot.info: Because you said so.
user: That's a good enough reason for me.
...
chatbot.info: I went to singingclass.
user: What did you sing?
chatbot.info: Computer Science.
user: Let's hear you sing some of it.
chatbot.info: Anyone can be a father but its someone special who's a dad, he loves me as I love him, even when I bad.
user: I'm sure Kraftwerk didn't sing it that way.
...
user: Don't you want me to have any fun?
chatbot.info: YES!
user: That's the spirit!
.......................................
